Results tagged “Baseball” from Joe Lavin's Humor Column

Superstitious Post-Mortem

The Boston Red Sox were eliminated from the playoffs by Tampa Bay on Sunday, and I think it might be partly my fault. That's because this year I decided to try something new while watching the Red Sox. I decided not to be superstitious.

I realize now that this may have been a big mistake. After all, I was a superstitious mess in both 2004 and 2007, and it clearly worked. In the past, I have assigned magical powers to a variety of items, including unsalted potato chips, the green Red Sox cap of a friend in England, Shaw's Boston Crème Pie, the corner booth of a pizzeria, and, of course, my friend Anna.

Scratching and Baseball: The Tradition Continues

The Massachusetts Lottery has just released a new $20 Boston Red Sox scratch ticket. Wow, it's humbling to realize that not only can I not afford Red Sox game tickets, soon I might not be able to afford Red Sox lottery tickets either. When these tickets were first offered, they cost $5 each, and even that seemed a little ridiculous. Now, suddenly they have quadrupled in price.

15 Minutes Past the Hour

You know the nation's media has gone crazy when your name appears in the television news crawl -- either that or you're about to be arrested and no one's told you yet. Last week, I found my name all over sports media, because -- through blind luck -- I was the first to find Jose Canseco's new book about steroids.

Jose Canseco Reviewed: With Spoilers

There I was, wandering through a quaint Cambridge bookstore on Monday, when I noticed a copy of Jose Canseco's new book "Vindicated: Big Names, Big Liars, and The Battle to Save Baseball" in their tiny sports section. That's odd, I thought. I didn't know the book had come out yet. It turns out that it hasn't. The book's not due to be released until April 1st, but, for some reason, there was a copy for sale. And so I bought it.

Dieting for Dollars

Now here's a way to lose some weight. Curt Schilling just signed a new one-year contract with the Red Sox that includes a $2 million weight clause, along with $8 million in base salary. If Schilling stays in shape and meets weight goals at six different weigh-ins during the year, he'll get the extra money. Screw Weight Watchers. This is the proper way to lose weight. Give me $2 million, and I'll be happy to go on the treadmill. I might even lay off the ice cream too.

Feeding America One Base at a Time

Taco Bell probably thought they were being really clever with their World Series promotion. With their "Steal a Base, Steal a Taco" contest, they promised to give a free taco to every American if any player stole a base during the World Series. And then rookie sensation Jacoby Ellsbury stole second base for the Red Sox in Game Two, and we all learned that we would get the free taco only between 2 p.m. and 5 p.m. on a Tuesday when we were supposed to be at work.

Boston Sports Review: The El Guapo/Obama Ticket

You have to hand it to Rich Garces. He's no longer in the Majors, but he may be the only pitcher who has his own sponsor for every appearance. Whenever he pitched this year for the independent league Nashua Pride, fans heard this announcement: "El Guapo is brought to you by the New Hampshire Business Resource Center in Concord."

Boston Sports Review: The Impossible Dream ... In Full Technicolor

I just finished watching a Red Sox game on television, and here's a list of what I didn't see: rotating billboards behind home plate, people with cell phones, batters stepping out of the box after every pitch, RemDawg signs, promos for reality programs, Wally the Green Monster, and insurance company ducks walking across the screen. You see, instead of a 2007 game, I was watching the penultimate game of 1967 between the Red Sox and the Twins.

Boston Sports Review: Big Papi: Questions for Book Clubs

One of the best-selling baseball books of the year is David Ortiz's new autobiography "Big Papi: My Story of Big Dreams and Big Hits" written with Tony Massarotti. What better way to enjoy this fine book than in a book club with fellow Sox fans? After all, book clubs are all the rage these days. On the oft chance that you are reading "Big Papi" with others, here are some questions that might help facilitate conversation and fully enrich your reading experience.

Boston Sports Review: Betting on the Sox

Those who bought a couch from Jordan's Furniture back in April are probably feeling quite comfortable as they watch the Red Sox from that new couch. As most people probably know by now, Jordan's offered a full refund on any couch, dining table, or bed bought before April 16th, if the Red Sox win the World Series. Sure, anything could happen the rest of the season, but the start to this year must at least make them feel pretty good.

Boston Sports Review: Confessions of a Baseball Fan

It has come to my attention that I may not be quite as well-informed about baseball as I had previously thought. These days, it's not easy following the Red Sox. In addition to baseball, you also need a firm knowledge of medicine, advanced statistics, economics, and possibly Japanese -- not to mention ankle sutures and how much they are expected to bleed. My knowledge of baseball is already a little shaky in some areas, and now I have to know all this other stuff too. Therefore, I would like to take a moment to confess a few things about today's game that I do not know. 

Boston Sports Review: Pesky's Pole Position

Taking a break from their ongoing quest to rid the game of steroids, Major League Baseball has decided to go after something far more sinister. I'm talking about 87-year-old men who like to sit in the dugout. Yes, in their infinite wisdom, the commissioner's office has decided that Johnny Pesky can no longer put on a Red Sox uniform and sit in the dugout during home games. And you thought Bud Selig didn't really have any power.

Boston Sports Review: Gifts for the Men Who Have it All

We all love David Ortiz, but here's how much the Red Sox love him. When he arrived at spring training, John Henry gave him a brand new $40,000 Toyota truck as a thank you gift. I'm not sure exactly how this works. On first glance, it seems to be such an outlandish gift, but what is the appropriate thank you gift for someone who makes $12.5 million a year?

Boston Sports Review: Schilling for Senate

Partly because he's a well respected athlete with strong opinions and partly because the other seven Republicans in Massachusetts are busy, Curt Schilling of the Red Sox may possibly end up running for the United States Senate. Or at least that was the story on the Boston talk radio station WRKO during one particularly slow news day this off season.

Boston Sports Review: Lost in Translation... In a Good Way

If you ask me, the signing of Daisuke Matsuzaka was the single most exciting Red Sox transaction ever that happened to involve a player I had never seen before. I'm sure most of you agree. Of course, this excitement was tempered only slightly by the strange press conference that was held to announce him as a member of the Red Sox. As soon became obvious, interpreter Tak Sato is not a professional interpreter. Instead, he is a Japanese representative of Scott Boras' agency and was chosen simply because Matsuzaka felt most comfortable with him.
Jonathan Papelbon, I hereby challenge thee to a game of Scrabble. We all know that you can close out a baseball game in style. Let's see if you can finish off a Scrabble game with similar aplomb.

My Profound Effect on the World Series

As many of you know, baseball players are incredibly superstitious, but they've got nothing on fans. We all have our own little foibles to help get us through the games. Here then are a few items from my apartment and beyond that have been deemed lucky or unlucky during the baseball playoffs.

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