Dear Die-hard Celtics Fan

Hi, it's me, Joe. Remember me from the 1980s? Wow, those were good times, weren't they? Bird, McHale, Parish! That was just great. Anyway, I've heard that the Celtics are good again, so I thought I might come back and watch a few games.

Me? Oh, I'm doing fine. Not much is new. I've just been following the Red Sox and Patriots, watching parades, attending rallies, you know, that sort of thing.
Wow, it's been ages since we last saw each other, hasn't it? I stopped by once or twice during Rick Pitino's first season, but I didn't get a chance to talk with you then. I think the last time we saw each other must have been that night when we both vowed that we would always remain Celtics fans all our lives, no matter how bad they were. Ah, we were so naïve back then. Oh, sorry, that's right. You did stick with the Celtics through all the bad times, while I dropped them like a cheap warm-up suit the moment things went downhill for them. Funny.

Anyway, I'm thinking of becoming a fan again, so maybe we can hang out just like old times. Won't it be great? I mean, wow, with all those awful years, you must have been lonely. Of course, before jumping on the bandwagon, I do have a few questions.

Are we really that good? I hope you don't mind that I use the word "we," but I've really grown close to the team over these last few days. Sure, 66 wins in a season is quite impressive, just one shy of the Celtics in 1986. But should we really count regular season wins against Memphis and Toronto? I didn't even know they had teams.

And what about this new Big Three? Frankly, I'm a little biased towards the old Big Three, but people seem to be excited about this group. Kevin Garnett certainly is tall and can pass really well, but to be honest I've never even heard of Ray Allen before. And this Paul Pierce? Who is he again? He sounds familiar. I recognize the name, but for some reason I just can't place him. Was he good in college? I quite like filling out the brackets in March, so maybe I saw him in the college tournament?

I don't know about this shiny new building though. I watched one night and the ball seemed to bounce predictably the entire game. What fun is that? Next thing, you'll be telling me they have hot water in the visitor's locker room.

As for these new Celtics dancers and this Lucky the Leprechaun, that was hilarious. It was obviously an ironic, post-modern joke about the sorts of team that would need to resort to that kind of thing. Still, I wonder if they might be carrying the joke a little too far. I assume all that will be gone for the next game, but it was a good laugh.

And what's with all the hoopla during timeouts? That's just temporary too, right? During one timeout, while discussing the pick and roll with my friend, I was actually hit on the head with a rolled up t-shirt. This is going to sound weird, but apparently someone had snuck onto the court during a timeout and used a sling shot -- yeah, a sling shot --  to thrust rolled-up t-shirts at fans. It really hurt. I trust that the young man was severely reprimanded when he was caught, but you would think there would be better security.

Oh, and finally, did somebody say that Danny Ainge is running the Celtics now? That can't be right. I mean, I liked Danny and all, but what's next? M.L. Carr?

Anyway, that's about all from here. I hope all goes well with your little playoff run there. I'm definitely on board, as long as I don't get any Red Sox tickets at the last minute. Oh, and say hi to the hockey team for me. I forget. What's their name again?



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